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The tale of Britney Splitney

Alright, we knew it was coming. Oops...she did it. Britney Spears went and got married.

For a few hours.

The inevitable train wreck that is her life took another turn that we knew was coming, but we didn't know it would be so strange.

For those of you confused, allow me to pull you out from under that rock and catch you up to the rest of the world.

The undisputed queen of pop music, Britney Spears, was in Las Vegas with an old friend from high school. They went to one of the numerous wedding chapels there to get hitched as a joke. They left the chapel and almost immediately went to a lawyer to get the union annulled.

Funny.

And for everyone who just asked "Why do I care?" I'm right there with you, but this incident upset me more and more every time I heard about it.

What she did was mock the institution of marriage. That's not funny. I have only been married for four months, but that's three months and 30 days longer than she was married. And I plan on staying married. That's what everyone is supposed to do.

Anyone who gets married as a joke is spitting in the face of all the couples who spend their entire lives together, like my grandparents who have been married more than 50 years. They've been through a lot during that time, and they stuck with it.

That's the way God intended it -- for life -- not for an afternoon, and especially not for a laugh.

Another point about this whole marital mess is the endless media coverage that it created. Bridal Britney was all over every news outlet: television stations, internet sites, even newspapers.

Most people use events like this to berate the media for covering such nonsense. While it's true that there is famine, homelessness and war that need to be covered, the truth falls right back on to the consumers of the media.

So many people are interested in juicy gossip. They pay attention to celebrity slipups much more than the state of trade between China and the U.S. So the media gives everyone just what they ask for.

If people would stop watching, reading and listening to the media outlets that dish out sensationalized crime and celebrity stories, then those stories would disappear. People who want the good news should go find it. The bad news peddlers will either change or disappear with their sensationalized stories.

Now that I'm off my soapbox, let me say that this whole Britney Splitney thing was not the first choice for my column. But it presented more than a few things that were not quite that "funny."

Maybe the lawyers for the former Mr. Britney Spears can get a settlement that splits her earnings with him -- just as a joke.

Now that would be funny.



Web posted on Wednesday, January 14, 2004


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