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Nuggets of Life's Little Lessons

McCorkle graduates from Tech

In honor of the Chinese New Year, which begins Feb. 9, I present a list of truths that Confucius didn't say, but should have. To complete the authenticity, utter "Confucius say" before each nugget of wisdom, mimicking the voice of a Chinese teacher of ancient knowledge.

  • Baby who eat sweet potatoes and carrots every day, turn orange.

  • Older brother always older than little sister, no matter how many birthdays little sister celebrate.

  • Woman who water plants with hose, live long life. Man who install sprinkler system himself, suffer heat stroke.

  • Parent cannot keep curious child inside fence, away from water, out of mud. Child find new path to trouble every time.

  • Man who always play it safe, die of boredom.

  • Cat that live on busy street have one life.

  • Waiting five year to get film developed make pictures big surprise.

  • Always carry paper and pen. Memory not good as you think.

  • Never tell child wait a minute. Whole childhood go by in one adult minute.

  • Boy who hide in bushes and squirt visitor with hose, have sore bottom later.

  • Some short cuts not shorter, just different way to get to same place.

  • Smart Mama tell child principal have electric paddle.

  • How much you know not important as how much you have left to learn.

  • Man who have little to give can share smile.

  • Big fish in small pond run out of room to swim.

  • When best dog die, get it stuffed.

  • Woman who appear in many snapshot should get good haircut.

  • Too many visit to ATM make well go dry.

  • Woman who marry man with tools, never spring leak.

  • When hurtle through life, get to finish line in record time.

  • Boy who wear earring look like girl.

  • She who talk with splinter in eye, later choke on own wood.

  • Paint ceiling before refinish floor, not after.

  • Woman with many children go to market alone.

  • Front porch good for marriage.

  • Mailman who deliver bill, bring bad chi.

  • Single can of soup get lonely in grocery bag. Wish for cheese and crackers to keep it company.

  • Confucius good teacher, but natural consequence best.

  • Man who learn to say no, get much relaxation.

  • If milk smell sour to you, it stink to me too.

  • Committee meeting is nice way to say "just hanging out."

  • Walk fast in dark parking lot.

  • Mechanic not understand what wrong when you demonstrate noise your car make, but he get good belly laugh.

  • Do not try to teach something you have not yet learned yourself.

  • Show proper respect to your master. She right about everything.

  • Honor mother and father. Show kindness to your siblings. They love you, even when you're not loveable.

  • When life is meaningless, live it anyway. In three months, everything change.

  • Best way to catch stray cat, pop it off with a .22 revolver.

  • Good friend see you have crows. Best friend help you shoot them.

  • Never eat leftovers you can't remember eating the first time.

  • Don't cry when fish circle drain. Be glad you not fish.

    Web posted on Thursday, February 3, 2005

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