So I dressed up as a woman.
What's the big deal?
At least it was for a good cause.
Wednesday's Administrative Professionals' Day luncheon at Belle Meade was a chance for those folks who make offices work to take a couple of hours to themselves. They are treated to a great meal, a little pampering and dozens of door prizes.
This year, they were also treated to a fashion show from McFabulous.
I was part of the comic-relief group from McNot-So-Fabulous. In fact, we were downright McScary.
It all started a couple of months ago when I ran into Pat Baston at 1810. I grew up with Pat's son Michael and thought I could trust her.
"I need you to serve or dress as a woman," she said.
"Whichever you say," I said, knowing she'd tell me to show up in a white shirt and black pants and plan to carry a lot of food.
Instead, she told me to find an outfit and recruited Angela Blair to help. Somewhere along the way, Jasmine Smith, the tennis star was born.
(Yes, it was as horrible as it sounds. Not as horrible as some others, but horrible none the less. The only advantage to being Jasmine was I got to avoid wearing heels for the day.)
Anyway, after a trip with my wife to Wal-Mart (where I did try on a skirt and hair bow in the store, much to the amusement of everyone around), Jasmine's outfit was set: a short pink skirt, a tight tank top, pom-pom socks, bloomers and a jeweled pink belly button ring.
So when last Wednesday rolled around, all that was left was hair and makeup. That's where David, Flo and Stephen from The Upper Cut came in.
And, boy, did they have their work cut out for them.
Imagine, if you can, having to makeover myself, Mike "Harriet" Carrington, Jimmy "Penelope" Poston, Dr. Jim "Esther" Ramsey, Tommy "Tiffany" Phelps and Steve "Anna Nicole" Chalker-Smith.
Somehow they did -- even if some of the results looked like putting paint on a pig, or in Mike's case, spackling a sasquatch.
Miriam watched as David added glitter on my eyelids, dabbed on lipstick and brushed on powder so the lady would glisten, not sweat.
After we were all ready to go, we'd sashay out one by one during the breaks when the real fashion show models -- Gayle McCorkle, Bonnie McCorkle, Elaine McClatchie and Merri Stephens -- were changing clothes. We did our best to see who could make someone lose their chicken cordon bleu. Apparently, the stuff local administrative professionals have to put up with on a daily basis have given them pretty strong stomachs.
Anyway, everyone had a great laugh -- especially long after the event when the incriminating pictures began to surface Thursday and Friday.
If you get to see the pictures, don't hate me because I'm beautiful.
Trust me, there's nowhere near enough beauty here to hate.