The McDuffie Mirror

Top Stories
Subscribe Today!
Quick Hits
    · Home
· Subscribe
· Contact Us
· Archive
· Subscribe
    · News
· Business
· Opinion
· Schools
    · Sports
    · Community
· Obituaries
· Weddings
· Engagements
· Births
· Anniversaries
· Submit Event

· Search Legal Ads

 E-mail this story      Printer-friendly version

All some kids need to know, they learned in preschool

Sadly, today marks the last day of preschool for the 61 children over whom I had the privilege of stewardship this school year. For some, it's their last day of preschool forever. Before long, we adults will successfully alter their unrealistic perspective on the world, and rob them of their naivet╚.

So I dedicate this column, a compilation of myths perpetuated by preschoolers (some I wish were true, others I'm thankful they're not), to preserving a fleeting moment of childhood innocence.

  • A little tape or glue will fix anything.

  • Mama knows the answer, and if she doesn't daddy will.

  • Cutting clothing or hair with scissors does little damage (if by some crazy chance it does, Mama can tape it back together).

  • A cape imbues the wearer with superhero powers.

  • All toilets self-flush.

  • A penny buys an abundance of goods on the free market.

  • Princess shoes don't have to fit, just look good.

  • A girl can be Cinderella when she grows up

  • Candy counts as a major food group.

  • Band-aids heal all wounds, including internal injuries like hurt feelings.

  • Washcloths, toy cars and flip flops never clog toilets.

  • Asking "why," again and again, constitutes meaningful conversation.

  • Favorite underwear never gets dirty.

  • No one looks ridiculous dancing to a favorite Barney tune.

  • If you ask enough times, and pitch your whine at the appropriate decibel, someone will eventually say yes.

  • When you don't feel like talking to adults, make weird noises and they'll think you're cute and leave you alone.

  • Cover your face and you disappear.

  • A nickel is an acceptable wage for a day's labor.

  • Chocolate tastes best when worn around the mouth.

  • Preschool teachers live in their classrooms.

  • Milk is brain juice, spaghetti is worms with bloody sauce, and grapes are monster eyeballs.

  • Green foods taste worse than fried snails.

  • Slugs make good pets.

  • Sliced banana tastes different from banana in the peel.

  • Recovery from a minor hurt requires guttural screeches, major medical attention and severe punishment allotted to any child near the scene of the accident.

  • Sleeves wet up to the elbow indicate proper hand washing took place.

  • To use a water fountain properly, one must grasp the spicket in the right hand, for balance, then place his mouth over the hole emitting water and physically suck out libation.

  • Never miss an opportunity to put your head through a space into which you can force it.

  • Clothing is optional.

  • Drop your pants and use the bathroom wherever the urge hits you.

  • You never have to learn to wipe your bottom, as long as someone else will do it for you.

  • Chewing gum pulled from the underside of bleachers is an act of conservation and recycles the world's resources.

  • Walls are canvases for random artistic expression with multiple media, including yogurt.

  • No woman's hairstyle stands complete without a big, coordinating bow.

  • When you're bored, pick your nose.


  • If you don't know what to do with it, eat it.

  • When you don't have a tissue, lick your upper lip.

  • If licking your lip doesn't get it, drag your sleeve across your nose while making wet mucous sounds.

  • The whole world revolves around you.

    Web posted on Thursday, May 12, 2005

  • Spotted!

    Temperature:53° F
    Wind:from the W at 5 MPH
    Visibility:10 miles
    Dew Point:53° F
    Updated: 04-Nov-2010 10:01

    S M T W T F S
    21 22 23 24 25 26 27

    Online Poll
    Do you support the school system's graduation policy?
    View results

    © 2011 The McDuffie Mirror. Contact the .
    View our .