Everyone has a song they wish they didn't like.
You know, like every time the song comes on the radio (or mp3 player for those unfamiliar with the radio concept), you catch yourself singing along.
Against your will.
Same here. ("Ice, Ice Baby," anyone?)
Well, I have the perfect solution: the alarm clock on my cell phone.
I've been using the phone's built-in mp3 player as my morning wake-up call, and that's how I came upon this epiphany: You hear a song enough early in the morning, and you'll hate it.
It started with "Some Beach" by Blake Shelton.
Suddenly, I wanted to drive off the road and hit something hard every time I hear that country twang.
So I switched.
Now, every morning at 6 a.m., I hear: "Sunny days, keeping the clouds away €¦"
Yep, it's the Sesame Street theme song.
It's enough to make you want to smack Bert, Ernie and Big Bird.
Speaking of the urge to smack someone, I hate to look a gift horse - or in this case, a 5 percent discount - in the mouth.
But when the 5 percent comes in the form of a senior citizen discount, it makes you want to knock the teeth down the horse's throat. Especially when you don't even ask for the discount - it's just given to you by the "generous" clerk.
So, there I was standing in line at an Augusta grocery store, watching as the clerk compiled my ever-growing receipt. As she tallied up my final bill, she stopped: "Wait, I forgot to give you your discount. Your new total is €¦"
To top it off, my wife was right there, laughing the whole time.
Of course, it didn't help matters when a waitress asked her for her ID a few days later.
And she wonders why I have gray hair.
Now if I could only figure out how to get a senior's discount at the gas pump, I'd be a happy man.
But really, I don't need it most days.
My wife has this sixth sense about her when it comes to gas prices. She can tell you who has the cheapest gas in Thomson or Augusta - and usually the price is lower in this neck of the woods.
To enhance her petrol-digitation, she has this new gadget on her new phone - don't get me started on the new phone - that not only gives directions like a GPS, but also tells the user where the cheapest gas can be found.
Admittedly, it can be a little unreliable - we spent 20 minutes one afternoon in Augusta chasing gas that was $2.87 a gallon, only to find it was $3.57, which admittedly would be a wonderful price just a few weeks later.
Still, just like you can trust a bloodhound's nose to track a scent, trust the blonde's brain when it comes to low-priced gas. Just don't let her get confused by the scent of a new pair of high heels.