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A lawyer with a sense of humor can be dangerous

A Russian rabbi, an Irish priest and a Polish obstetrician go into a bar. The rabbi orders a vodka tonic, the priest orders a shot of Irish whiskey and the doctor orders a virgin Shirley Temple. While there, they overhear two lawyers talking:

"Hey. Have you seen the Adams' yard lately," asks the first attorney, who so happens to live next door to me.

The second attorney, who lives down the street, replies, "I guess. Why? Has something happened?"

In legal speak, the first counselor responds, "Something hasn't happened which caused something else to occur."

"I'm not following you," says the second.

Rephrasing the explanation in layman's terms, the first lawyer inquires, "When do you think they last cut their grass? What say you and I paint up a Yard of the Month sign and stick it the front by their walkway?"

The second attorney, fearing the political ramifications of such a move, clarifies, "Is their grass out of control or something?"

"Out of control," exclaims the first. "It's over two feet tall, I tell you. The Adams run the risk of losing one of the children in that jungle. For the safety of the kids, we must take action."

Calling to mind a recent family law case, but not wishing to join in any hysteria, the second counselor cautiously adds, "I do recall them asking if we had seen their dog lately. Still, are you sure you want to do this? Haven't they been good neighbors?"

"Well, sure they have," affirms the first, "mostly, except for their boys hearing the call of nature in the side yard under our kitchen window. And then there's the time their youngest son did a full, naked body press on our storm door. We're still windexing."

Losing himself in the evidence, lawyer #1 continues, "That gang of ragamuffins turned over every brick edging my flower beds in search of worms, a hundred of which they left on our back porch to rot in the sun. They collect the rocks from our rock garden, and, with dull wire cutters, strip the leaves of my variegated Camellia."

Attorney two listens intently as number one proceeds, "One day last fall, I went outside to finish raking, and, when I looked down, a face looked back at me from under the leaves. Their littlest boy jumped up and ran back to the Adams's yard, wildly giggling all the way. I nearly had a heart attack.

"Those kids wear sweatshirts outside in summer and go shoeless on 32 degree days in January. I've seen their little girl make mud angels in her Sunday dress. And someone spray painted the backyard red last Christmas."

"I object," pleads the second lawyer. "Brad and Lucy are good people."

"Good people who think nothing of driving a backhoe into the yard and digging holes where they don't need any," the first carries on. "If they happen to plant something in one of the holes, they either run the hose until my basement floods, or they let the bush turn brown and never remove it from the landscape."

"So," counters the second legal representative, pondering the case against us, "do you think they will get the yard-of-the-month joke?"

"No. They didn't get it when I planted the Leyland Cyprus trees. So, what say you and I paint a For Sale sign taller than the grass and put it their front yard."

"Is this a prank," asks attorney #2.

The rabbi, the priest and the doctor stagger out of the bar all agreeing that lawyers are the biggest jokers of all.

Web posted on Thursday, June 8, 2006

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