It seems to me that the
mentality toward sports in
this country is "If we didn't
create it, then it's not worth
watching." (Begin satire.)
Well, I agree.
Baseball was invented here
in the states. Football and
basketball fall into the same
category. I think - like most
Americans - that sports not
created by us are a waste of
time.
Some crazy foreigners made
up soccer. What a crock.
Kick a ball around a huge
fi eld and never score. Scoring
is awesome; sports should have
lots of it. Defense is worthless.
That's why all over the world,
everyone hates soccer.
Football is way more
popular than soccer, right.
That's the way it should be.
We came up with it, so we
should pay people obscene
amounts of money to do it
and make the people who
play soccer starve.
Besides, why shouldn't you
be able to use your hands? I
mean, carrying or throwing a
ball around a field is so much
better than just kicking it. It
takes no skill to just kick it
in the goal. You should be
allowed to run it in.
Not to mention with soccer
there's no driving people in
the ground like there is with
football. No violence. Yeah,
they run into each other at
full speed with no pads on,
but that's being a sissy. If you
want to avoid being a sissy, put
on some pads.
That's my advice to all the
pansies who play rugby. Put on
some pads when you want to
hit someone in a game. That's
the real man's way of doing it,
or at least the American man's
way of doing it.
What about track and fi eld.
The Greeks came up with
giving prizes for running the
fastest around a circle. How
dumb is that.
But NASCAR, that is the
best. Driving around in a circle
is great - because Americans
thought of it. So a hundred
thousand people show up
to car races. Millions watch
the races on TV, but nobody
wants to see some stupid track
meet.
The same thing goes for
cricket, with all those English
guys trying to swing a fl at bat.
It's such a confusing game
with the two "bases" made
of sticks. It's so much easier
to understand when you have
twice that many bases and
when people take steroids so
they can hit the ball further.
Yeah, sports are so much
better here. So make sure you
don't watch anybody else's
sports. OK, maybe you can,
but just once to check them
out. But you'll come back; I
know you will.
Remember the Olympics.
They're coming up soon, and
they're full of non-American
sports. You can dabble in them
for a couple of weeks, just as
long as you lose interest soon
after and settle back in to our
sports - for another four years
(end satire).
The world is bigger than
your back yard.
