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Forget the Cheetos diet

Today is Thanksgiving, and it's also my father's birthday. So, let me take this opportunity to say "Happy birthday, Poppa. May all your deer-hunting dreams come true today."

Last week, my publisher wrote in Points Between that he recently joined the Family Y and was working out with a personal trainer. I realized just how serious he was when I opened the fridge in the office Monday and saw the top shelf full of low-fat yogurts. His usual snack of choice on deadline days is (Miriam, his wife, needs to close her eyes right here) Doritos, sunflower seeds and anything chocolate. The last time I remember him going on a diet, the fridge shelves were stocked with little cans of fruit cocktail.

I'm not making fun of him, because (A) he's my boss and controls my work schedule and paycheck, and (B) I've been there.

I remember one time losing 30 lbs. eating nothing but Cheetos and cosmic brownies. Admittedly, the serving sizes wouldn't have satisfied an ant. Plus, I was much younger then. So, it wouldn't work now.

I prefer the Holstein dairy cow diet. Last week, I toured the Hillcrest Dairy Farm in Dearing where they were building a new barn that would make life easier on the cows. "Basically, all we want them to do is eat, lay down, eat some more, and lay down some more," farmer Mark Rodgers told me.

I never thought it was possible, but I was overtaken by the bovine green monster. But it's okay. It's Thanksgiving and everyone in America can enjoy the dairy cow's life today.

Web posted on Thursday, November 27, 2008

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