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Take aim, he's only a coach...

I only know Auburn University football coach Tommy Tuberville by sight when I see him on television. He may be one of the most despicable humans alive, as far as I know.

Even so, he would be less despicable than his school president and athletic director.

These people -- I almost said gentlemen -- went secretly shopping for a new coach while Auburn's football season was still going on. They didn't even give Tuberville the courtesy of being fired first so he could collect his $3.7 million buyout. They needed him to coach against their blood rival, Alabama, that very week.

Why was Tuberville treated this way? He was treated this way simply because his name has "Coach" in front of it. It has apparently been added to the U.S. Bill of Rights.

Yes, football coaches make a lot of money and have a lot of fringe benefits. Yes, they are ridiculously adored by fans, if they win every game. The minute their team loses some games that the experts think they should win, their whole reputation turns to mud.

An attorney loses a big case because, "you never know what a jury may do."

A surgeon may make a mistake, but "it was just the patient's time to go."

A mechanic can get your car running like new, "for a couple hundred more dollars, this trip to the shop."

A football coach loses a simple game, and he becomes "a simpleton." I once heard radio commentator Austin Rhodes say this about a coach. A talk show host calling a major college head coach a simpleton? Is that politically correct for dummy?

The opponent never practices. The opponent has all of the injuries. The opponent doesn't care about winning. Their coach is a bigger idiot than ours. The only reason we could have possibly lost is because of sorry coaching.

Pardon my cynicism, but it appears this perspective is often taken toward coaches. It's amazing how much more the masses know about a team than the coach that spends countless hours with them on the practice field.

As paying customers it is certainly fan's right to be critical. It is a school or college administrator's duty to evaluate the program.

It is not one's right or duty to treat the coach, usually an honest, caring human being, like their personal dishrag. Criminals get better.

Tuberville cried at the press conference to announce that he was returning to Auburn next year.

What Auburn deserves is for Tommy Tuberville not to get out of bed on cold mornings to recruit players. He should tell a kid if you run a five-flat 40-yard dash, you're too fast for us. Spring practice should be a daily hour of volleyball and swimming.

What Auburn deserves when they eventually fire Tuberville, an obvious lame duck, is a bare cupboard of players for their new coach. They deserve a team that can't spell tackle, much less make one.

Tuberville won't do it this way though.

Why not?

Because his name is "Coach."

Web posted on Thursday, December 11, 2003

Temperature:53° F
Wind:from the W at 5 MPH
Visibility:10 miles
Dew Point:53° F
Updated: 04-Nov-2010 10:01

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