Girls, fall has arrived, and football is in full swing. Knowing a little something about football gets me out of knowing much at all about cooking. Yet, I've no doubt that some of you prefer sticking your head in the oven to cheering for grown men in tight pants. Not sure where you land on the spectrum? Take this quiz:
1) Extra Point
A. The crease ironed in your linen napkins.
B. The result of getting a bonus question correct.
C. A time to turn and high-five your husband.
D. A point earned after a successful placekick following a touchdown.
A. A special bra you bought for that new game-day outfit.
B. Something you would never do with a meathead football player.
C. Affection received from your husband when his team is winning.
D. A play in which the opposing team has kicked the ball into your end zone.
A. A gesture meaning, "Take your Spam on Wheat Thins to someone else's tailgate."
B. A hand signal given in response to another's high-five attempt.
C. What you get from your significant other when the ref makes a bad call.
D. Warding off a tackler by holding the arm fully extended with the hand against the opponent.
A. Welcoming friends to the spread under your tailgate tent.
B. What you go to when you've won an award.
C. Something that makes your man almost as happy as you do (sometimes even more).
D. The act of catching a pass.
A. When people from opposing teams share pre-game festivities.
B. When someone wins the award you should have.
C. Something that makes your husband quit talking.
D. When a player on the opposing team catches the football.
A. What happens when your game-day dress is cut too low.
B. The manner of locomotion used by fans who have imbibed too much.
C. Whooping at the wrong time.
D. Dropping the ball.
7) Fair Catch
A. A single girl's game-day date.
B. Stumping someone with a clever riddle.
C. How you describe your husband when he's irritable and not talking anymore. He's no longer a great catch, just fair.
D. A catch of the punt by a defensive player who signals he will not run.
A. Delegating tailgate chores to others.
B. How you ditch a date who drones on about football.
C. The message you send your honey when he treats you like it's your fault his team lost.
D. A play in which one player hands the ball to a teammate.
A. When two girls wear the same tailgating ensemble.
B. What the Nazis did in WWII.
C. Excited talking designed to get hubby's attention.
D. When defensive players try to break through the offensive line.
A. Caused by over-accessorizing.
B. What football traffic does to your Saturday.
C. Walking in front of the television.
D. Blocking a player's path with your body.
Pigskin Princess -- Mostly A answers. You're thrilled by the food, fashion and socializing surrounding the football event. You don't care much about the game itself, but you love the wardrobe.
Touchdown Turndown -- Mostly B answers. You're the intellectual type. You think it ridiculous for people to spend a perfectly good Saturday obsessing over men throwing themselves about recklessly, just to move a ball a few feet. You occupy yourself with other solitary interests, but you're ticked about it.
Goalpost Gal -- Mostly C answers. You're happy as long as your man is happy. You will likely prepare the tailgate feast, keep your husband and guests supplied with libation, offer hugs and high-fives at all the key moments and clean up everything yourself.
Gridiron Go-For-It -- Mostly D answers. You know your stuff and you can hang with the big boys. All the women in the kitchen are mad at you, but you've earned the privilege of joining the party in the den. You won't touch a chicken wing on Saturday until it's plated and on the table.
Lucy Adams is the author of Tuck Your Skirt in Your Panties and Run. She grew up in the SEC and lives in Thomson. E-mail her at firstname.lastname@example.org.